Lowyat.NET: Latest topics by jlce10

Looking for netbook

jlce10 — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 23:13:38 +0800

I am looking for a netbook for mainly microsoft office, serve the net and store some pictures... There are so many brands and model of netbook out there which i am so confuse in choosing one... here are my criterias and hope you guys could suggest a good netbook for me, thx...

-long battery life (prefer 6 hours >)
-price (best within RM1500)
-OS must be windows xp
-must not lag when open a window for web and another for microsoft office
-must have cable that can connect a projector

WTA jobs suitable for student

jlce10 — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 15:29:00 +0800

as topic, wanted to know what jobs are suitable for college student, the main thing is flexible time because every sem have different timetable and test in between are not fixed so i need to have very flexible time for working and also the job must be a stable job such as a fixed and constant income...

need help here!

jlce10 — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 06:17:37 +0800

hi, i just service my car and change my normal g-power spark plugs to NGK irridium expecting my car to perform better, but it became even worst, slower and not so powerfull than before... guys what is wrong??

suggetion on 2nd hand SUV

jlce10 — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:16:47 +0800

Hi guys, i am thinking of buying a SUV budget below 40k... so far i've found 1st gen honda crv year 1996-1998 and ask around alot about the car, it seems to be quite a reliable car just that as usual FC high and also underpower but its a SUV, dont expect FC to be good... other than this, kembara DVVT year 2002-2004 is my 2nd choice as its cheaper but i dont know how reliable it is...
-any comments on the CRV??
-between this 2, which 1 is more reliable and better in mantainance as the CRV is aredy 10years+??

questions about Proton Savvy

jlce10 — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 20:33:01 +0800

Hi everyone, my friend is intrested in proton savvy and he say its a fuel saving vehicle, any owners here can share their experience about this car, the mantainance, price for parts, fuel consumption and so on...... and why the 2nd hand price is cheap compair to kenari, kelisa and viva??

car alarm remote control

jlce10 — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:09:44 +0800

I droped my car remote juz now and its broken, i have a spare 1 but i wanted to ask if is there any remote that has slot key type to be replace?? cuz i dont like to have so many keys in my pocket...

comparison of 2 guys

jlce10 — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:18:19 +0800

ok this happen to me, there is this girl I like... there is 2 guys after her...
-Guy A is him, richer than me, holds a degree and doing his masters now, drives a mini cooper and staying in a bangalo... parents are working at a high ranking job...
-Guy B is me, consider myself as average only, got no cert, always skip class, average results(all credits only), drives a waja and staying in a condo... parents not working...

I know girls will surely go for the stable one which is Guy A... but i wanted to know your opponion and also the ratio between guy A and B...

funny sound when accelerate harder

jlce10 — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:24:55 +0800

as topic... i am driving a waja 1.6(A) 4g18 reciently when i accelerate over 3k RPM got this "click click click" sound... very irritating thou... any idea whats gone wrong??

Old Continental Cars Discussion

jlce10 — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 14:09:01 +0800

Hi, anyone out there who owns an old conti cars such as merc, BMW, audi, saab, volvo...... can explain about the problems facing by these cars??
- state your car model and year
- how is the mantainance like?
- how is the FC??
- isit hard to find spare parts??
- does your car visit the work shop offten??
- how offten it breaks down??
- does it breaks down half way on the road??
- give your own opponion about owning it...

steering vibrating at 90km/h

jlce10 — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:05:25 +0800

hi, i am driving 4g18 waja auto... recienltly i feel the steering vibrate when the speed is over 90km/h... i going to see my mechanic, but can let me know what causes that??

untitle

jlce10 — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 18:26:12 +0800

A chinese lady is married to an american man and stayed in america...
the lady does not know how to speak english, and its hard for her to buy things from the market...
so one day she wanted to get drumstick, so she pull up her skirt and show it to the person who sells chicken...
the person understands and gave her what she wants...
the next day she wanted to get chicken breast, she then unbutton her cloths a little and show it to the person who sells chicken...
the person understands and then gave her what she wants...
and the following day, she wanted to get sausages but duno how to tell the person selling it, so she had an idea, she bring her husband along...

guess what happen???

Her husband speaks english...

how to beat a speeding ticket

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 21:55:30 +0800

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was revoked when I got my 5th DWI.

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his Captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too!

Sons, achivement

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:35:55 +0800

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party.

After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room.

Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working
at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics
and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder
and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he
gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride
and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school
to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company,
where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best
friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the
best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction
company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very
nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square
foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned
from the restroom and asked:

"What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for
the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as
a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame...what a disappointment."

The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love
him.And he hasn't done too bad either.His birthday was two weeks ago,
and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet
and a top of the line Mercedes from his three customers.

ah Seng's jokes

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:27:15 +0800

Stupid Seng !
-
Seng : I'm glad i wasn't born in Spain, Ben.
Ben : Why's that, Seng?
Seng : Coz' I cant speak Spanish.

-
Seng's Mother : Why has it taken you so long to write that letter to your Auntie Betty?
Seng : Coz' she's a slow reader ma' !

-
Seng : Joyce, last night my dad stabbed himself when he was cutting a couliflower for our dinner.
Joyce : Crikey what did you do?
Seng : Opened a tin of peas.

-
Lulu : How's your guitar Seng?
Seng : I threw it away.
Lulu : Why ?
Seng : It had a hole in the middle ...

-
Lulu : Hi, Seng. How are you managing with your new contact lenses.
Seng : Terrible! I can't get 'em on over my glasses.

-
Postman : Is this letter for you ? The name's Smudge.
Seng : No... My name's Seng !

Grandma : It's terrible weather, Seng you'd better stay here the night.
Seng : Ok Gran, I'll nip home and get my pyjamas.

-
Seng : I've just got a letter from my grad .... ' Dear Seng. I'm sending you three socks, because your mum says you've grown another foot since i last saw you ... '

-
Seng : This mirror you sold me is no good!
Shop Keeper : What's wrong with it?
Seng : Every time I try to see something in it, my face gets in the way!

-
Postman : I've walked five miles to deliver this letter to you, Seng.
Seng : Why didn't you just Post it ?

-
Doctor : Take for teaspoons of this medicine everyday, Seng...
Seng : I can't, doc .... We've only got three teaspoons at home!

Roland Cookie
The Wacky Waiter !!
-
Customer : I'll have a steak .. No, make that a salad ...
Roland Cookie : I'm a waiter, sir. Not a flippin' Magician.
-
Customer : Waiter !!! There's a worm on my plate !!
Roland Cookie : That's not a worm sir, that's your sausage !
-
Customer : Waiter ! Waiter ! What's this fly doing on my ice-cream?!
Roland Cookie : Learning to Ski, Sir.
-
Customer : Waiter, this meal's half cold!
Roland Cookie : Well, eat the half that's hot.
-
Customer : Why is there no meat in this salad?
Roland Cookie : There is ! Look, those two caterpillars !
-
Customer : Yeuk ! This soul is awful! Send for the manager !!
Roland Cookie : I wouldn't bother, he won't like it either.
-
Customer : Waiter ! What do I have to do to get a glass of water around here !?!
Roland Cookie : Set yourself on fire sir!
-
Customer : Waiter ! This coffee is WEAK !!
Roland Cookie : what do you wan me to do, give it weight-training ?
-
Customer : What do you call this ?!
Roland Cookie : Cottage Pie, Sir ...
Customer : Well, I've just bitten a piece of the roof !!
-
Customer : Why have you brought my dinner in a feed bag?
Roland Cookie : Coz' the chef says you eat like a horse.
-
Customer : I'll pay mu bill now ...
Roland Cookie : Hmm ... this five pound note's bad sir ...
Customer : So was the food !!
-
Customer : Wiater, what's this ?
Roland Cookie : A jacket potato sir .
Customer : Yes, but what's this on it ?
Roland Cookie : Buttons !
-

School Crappers !!
Student : Teacher told me to clean the baord, and i've been rub bin it for half and hour and its still black ..
-
Teacher : Why arent you writting, smith !?
Student : Coz' i ain't got no pen, sir
T : You aint got no pen ????!!!!!! You have no pen you mean !
I HAVE no pen,
HE HAS no pen,
SHE HAS no pen,
THEY HAVE no pens .....
S : ???? Blimey - who pincked all the pens ?

Student A : I wish i'd lived 500 years ago
B : Why ?
A : I wouldn;t have as much history to learn !

T : Your english homework was bad, i told u to do it again for times, and u've onli done it three times ....
S : I know miss - my arithmetic isn't very good either !

Mother : Why are u home from school so early ?
Son : coz' the boy nex to me was smoking.
M : but if he was smoking, why should u be sent home ?
S : it was me that set him alight...

T : so u're the new boi..... where do u come from?
S : Scotland sir ...
T : Which part ?
S : All of me sir !

T : What do all the kings and queens of the 16th century have in common, Alan!
S : They're all dead sir !

T ; u'er late again boi !!! why dont u get an alarm clock
S : ive got one, sir. but im always asleep when it goes off
T : Swt ! and why is this essay on ur dog same as ur sister's !?
S : coz's its the same dog, sir.

T : that's the fourth time i've had to cane u this week ! - what have you got to say for yourself !
S : thank godness it's friday !

T : what's your name boi ?
S : walter tomkins !
T : say sir when u speak to me boi !!!
S : Allright ! sir walter tomkins !!
T ; !!!!!

T : .... And what might be ur name kid !
S : it might be george .. but it isnt.....

intresting conversation

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:21:37 +0800

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
Student: (Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
Student: (Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
Student: (Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No , sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold.
We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat.
We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something.
You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it?
In reality, darkness isn't exist. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God.
You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor.
Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
Prof: (The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir?
Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
Prof: (The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
Prof: (The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?.....No one appears to have done so.
So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

Prof: (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir.. The link between man & God is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

a singaporean holiday in malaysia

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 20:13:26 +0800

sorry if repost

A Singaporean was on holiday in Malaysia..
He was having his coffee, croissants, bread, butter & jam at the hotel's coffee house.

A Malaysian man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him & started a casual conversation.

Malaysian : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"
Singaporean : "Of course."
Malaysian : "We don't. In
Malaysia , we only eat what's inside.The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants & sell them across to Singapore."

The Malaysian then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Malaysian : "Do you eat the jam with the bread?"
Singaporean : "Of course."
Malaysian (chuckling): "We don't. In Malaysia, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds & other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam, before we sell it across to Singapore."

This time, the Singaporean retorted : "Do you have
sex in Malaysia?"
Malaysian : "Why, of course we do."
Singaporean : "Do you wear protection?"
Malaysian : "Of course! We wear condoms."
Singaporean : "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Malaysian : "Stupid question ! Of course we throw them away."
Singaporean : "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly puts them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum & sell them across to Malaysia & that's the real reason why we banned chewing gum in Singapore."

kidz

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:43:25 +0800

Teacher: Ted, if your father
has $10
and you ask him for $6, how much would
your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know Maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum.
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your
results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report
book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that, but I'm going
Hong Kong tomorrow so I'm scolding you
now.

Father: Why did you fail your
Mathematics Test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3 + 5 = 8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4 + 4 = 8.
On Wednesday, she said 6 + 2 = 8.

If she can't make up her mind, how do
I know the right answer?

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: 1 year older then me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I
was born

Teacher: Simon, your composition
on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
Simon: No, teacher. It's the same dog!

Father: Your teacher says she finds it
impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!

Teacher: Where were you born?
Student: Singapore , Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me, Sir.

Teacher: How come you do not comb your
hair?
Ah Kow: No comb, Sir.
Teacher: Use your dad's then.
Ah Kow: No hair, Sir.

A boy came home from school with his
exam results.
"What did you get?" asked his father.
"My marks are under water," said the
boy.
"What do you mean 'under water'?"
" They are all below 'C' (sea) level!"

A letter to dad

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:41:19 +0800

A father passing by his son's bedroom
was astonished to see the bed nicely
made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the pillow. It was
addressed, "Dad". With the worst
premonition, he opened the envelope
and read the letter with trembling
hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow
that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I
wanted to avoid a scene with you and
Mom.

I've been finding real passion with
Joan and she is so nice. I knew you
would not approve of her because of
all her piercings, tattoos, her tight
motorcycle clothes and because she is
so much older than I am but it's not
only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very
happy. She owns a trailer in the woods
and has a stack of firewood, enough
for the whole winter. We share a dream
of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact
that marijuana doesn't really hurt
anyone. We'll be growing it and
trading it with the other people in
the commune for all the cocaine and
ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that
science will find a cure for AIDS so
Joan can get better; she sure deserves
it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now
and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to
visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
wanted to remind you that there are
worse things in life than the report
card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for
me to come home!

Know whom you are flirting with

jlce10 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:38:52 +0800

A couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife
got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was
going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his
good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping
soundly for about an hour, awoke without pain and as it was still
early,decided to go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she
would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she
was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,
cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every woman he
could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive lady herself,
he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She
let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her
ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had
passionate sex in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home
and put the costume away. She was sitting up reading when her husband
came in,so she asked what kind of time he had.

"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when
you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got
there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into
the spare room and played poker all evening."

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker
all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my
Dad. Apparently he had the time of his life."

Squeeking sound from seats

jlce10 — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 19:33:23 +0800

hi, i own a waja, reciently it has squeeking sound when i sit on the seat or move abit when seating on the seat... so i bought a WD40 and spray all the metal below the seats but still have the sound... do i need to chagne a new seat d?? or there is some place i did not spray??